Canada FlagElection got you down eh? Well let me fill ya in on a few tricks that’ll help ya get yerself the frozen ticket and become a true Canadian.

1. First things first eh……. you gotta dump the college football and start at least watchin’ Hockey Night in Canada. Man up would ya?! Damn Yankees……. yeah I’m talking to all y’all ‘southerners’ too. Yer all southerners to us down there ya know.
2. No more girly beers. Bud, Bud Light, Curs Light, Miller Lite – it’s all crap eh Bud? Just crap. Beer is meant to grow hair on yer chest. So next time ya want to go oat, go oat and find ya a two-four of real beer. (That’s 24 beers in one box……yeah really 24. Six packs are for breakfast and before church) Labatt’s, Molson, Moosehead, whatever. But none o’that crap that just makes ya take a leak. Hoser.
3. Famous Canadians – Commit to Memory.

  • Bob and Doug McKenzie.
    Canadians Bob and Doug Mckenzie

    What Canadians Look Like

  • Music ladies – Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne, Michael Buble.
  • Music men – Nickelback(sorry), Rush, Sir Bryan Adams.
  • Funnymen – Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, Dan Aykroyd, Rich Little, Phil Hartman.
  • Seth Rogen. Dude……really. Go ahead, look it up – he’s a Hoser.
  • Heartthrobs – Nathan Fillion, Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Jason Priestly.
  • Leading men – Michael J Fox, Matthew Perry, Keanu Reeves.
  • Captain Kirk – beam me up to Canada eh!
    Captain James Tiberius Kirk: Canadian hero

    Captain Kirk from Canada

  • Good girls gone bad – Pamela Anderson, Shannon Tweed, Kim Cattrall
  • Bombshells – Malin Akerman, Elisha Cuthbert.……seriously Hosers, LOOK THEM UP…….no joke.
  • The Rock……yeah, really. Look it up.
  • The Biebs, but he had his citizenship revoked

4. Let’s talk donuts. Dunkin Donuts and yer fancy mochalocha latte will get a man beat up here. Up here a man “rrrrrrollllls up the rrrrrrimmmmm to win!” along with his donuts. (Ya don’t have a clue do ya boy?!……look it up) ……. Tim Horton was a hockey legend……. only surpassed by his coffee and donuts.

Definately not a Loonie. Be more Canadian.

A Toonie from Canada

5. Learn to speak Frenglish. That way there you’ll know when the frogs are makin’ fun of ya eh?!
6. Learn how to make good poutine (say it with me now eh……. pu-teen). Start with some frozen French fries eh. Then deep fry’em til they’re golden eh. Now add Mom’s leftover gravy from Thanksgiving (BTW it’s in October ya know) then add in some curdled cheese. (best after a two-four of real beer)
7. Its TSN not ESPN eh. Get over it eh.
8. Canadian Idol comes on every night at 8pm EST, 9pm Atlantic and 9:30 in Newfoundland.
9. Loonies and Toonies. Learn what it means to ‘make it rain’ in the Great White North!

10. Finally, it’s ‘sorry’. Not ‘saaaaaarry’. Get it right or we’ll leave ya to it down there to figure out yer own mess eh!

Now you know how to “Insure” you become Canadian. The best place on Earth…with an average year round temperature of 10 degrees CELSIUS (… go on now and LOOK IT UP!)

By: Bruce Peddle

(Resident Canuck & Managing Partner, Risk Innovations, LLC)